Unspoken
by Sassy SOBettes
Summary: They speak, and everything is said except that which both want to hear. There is love, but neither know. Is he truly indifferent? Is she truly unapproachable? And what will happen when they meet again? SOBfic *DONE*
1. Loneliness

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"I have a face I cannot show   
I make the rules up as I go   
It's try and love me if you can   
Are you strong enough to be my man?"   
  
  
~"Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow~   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
I know exactly how they see me.   
  
How everyone sees me.   
  
Five feet eight inches of wilful, pugnacious Slytherin spitfire. With a tongue sharper than the knife I wear as a hairpin, and a wit more poisonous than the flawless draughts of bitter almonds that I know how to brew.   
  
And yes, I am all these things. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, in every single way. And damn the wanker who dares think otherwise!   
  
I have many names and titles, depending on who you talk to. If you talk to my friends, they'll tell you that I'm Fallon, 6th year Slytherin girl, their unofficial "fearless leader". They would tell you that although I'm not exactly the nicest or most sympathetic of people, I'm perfectly willing and able to come up with schemes to benefit them. Or smite anyone or anything up to the size of an ogre who had hurt them. Well... they'd tell you that... if they think you're worthy of their attention. And more likely than not, you aren't. So bugger off.   
  
If you're not worth our time... you probably know me as Anderson, the icy Slytherin bitch-queen. The evil, maniacal, vicious virago who would as soon smite a bloke as look at him. The horrid bint who had emasculated more boys than all the other girls at the school, combined. I could kill you with my bare hands, poison you fifty different ways, and everyone knows it.   
  
All of the above is true.   
  
I am the way I am. It's my personality. And it's as valid a personality as any other.   
  
Contrary to popular belief, I'm not completely incapable of emotion.   
  
I have my friends.   
  
They're wonderful, all of them. Everyone in her own way.   
  
I see Akasha sitting on her couch, her hands occupied with her knitting. The fingers that are handling the deep green yarn are quick and deft, and one of them wears a sparkling ring. Silver with a moonstone surrounded by glittering emeralds. And although it cannot be seen from here, I know that engraved on the inside of the band are the words "MF to AN, forever" in script.   
  
Akasha's going to be out of school by summertime. She and Flint will probably have a grand winter wedding, and comfort each other the rest of their lives.   
  
A few feet away from her, Morrigun and Montague are happily curled up together on an oversized armchair, she in his lap, reading from a large book and whispering to each other in French. They're so happy and sweet, it's a running joke amongst us... the cute, almost-too-cute-to-be-Slytherin couple.   
  
They'll marry after they leave and raise a houseful of little Quidditch players who know how to dance the Gavotte and speak five different languages.   
  
Malice and Adrian Pucey are playing chess by the window... and snogging when they think that no one is looking. Kate and Kevin Bole are less shy about showing affection, and are snogging quite openly. I daresay that the Ancient Runes assignment that they were working on together... well, that will have to wait a while. Ravyn and Draco Malfoy are supposedly studying for their imminent OWLs in her room. Or at least... that's what they're calling it these days.   
  
Even Persephone, Xanne, Calypso and Jeannie have someone. From other houses, at that!   
  
I'm very happy for them. Really... Slytherin bitch or no, it's wonderful when my friends are happy and together and in their current states of bliss and...   
  
I need to leave. I think I'm going to be sick.   
  
God... I'm a horrible person. I really AM as bitchy as people see me. Even more so!   
  
No one likes a bitch. Not even me. But that's the way it is. And I AM a bitch if seeing the very people I love so happy... makes me feel ill.   
  
It never used to be like this.   
  
I don't know. Why.   
  
Actually, I do. I lied. I do know.   
  
I live by my convictions. I do what I want to do, and I don't give a flying rodent's arse about what people have to say about that. If it is unacceptable for anyone that a woman can take care of herself and kick arse, if someone believes that a woman cannot be independent... or anything more than a sex object, I can and will tell that chauvinistic pillock just where he can shove those beliefs. I am Fallon Anderson, and I bow before no one.   
  
Is this so wrong?   
  
He must think so.   
  
Oh... we get along well enough, I suppose... by our standards, anyway. The arguments happen about once a day, and one might say that we're friends, of sorts. At the very least, he is still possessed of a functioning reproductive system, and all his limbs.   
  
It's always like this between us... we meet, we sneer at each other, and snarky remarks fly back and forth like the Quaffle during a Quidditch game. It's a balanced thing. Something that is well-established and therefore shouldn't be upset.   
  
Right?   
  
Oh... who am I kidding?   
  
But that's not the way the world works. I know how they think. I know very, very well. And he's a person just like any of them.   
  
Sure, he thinks I'm beautiful. Most people do. And just as surely, he thinks I'm a bitch. Well, I am. And that's unacceptable.   
  
I can't change the way I am, and I can't change how people feel about that.   
  
Bloody hell... bloody... sodding... ABOMINABLE hell!! I don't have to settle for anything less than someone who loves me the way I am! And I won't! Ever!   
  
So why does it hurt so much when he doesn't?   
  
Why did I let myself get into this shite? Why did I fall in love with someone who is just another bloke, like the rest of them?   
  
It's never going to work. I won't settle for someone who can't accept me like I am. And I won't settle for anyone else. It's a bloody paradox.   
  
I suppose it's only fair, isn't it? The mean and bitter one, the one who causes others pain... is the one hurt the most in the end.   
  
I get what I deserve.   
  
But don't I deserve love as well?   
  
I suppose not. Seeing the way things are...   
  
Excuse me... I think I need to go and break something before I go insane.   
  
But I forget... I already am insane. And there is already something broken.   
  
My heart.   
  
Not that anyone will know. And if anyone suspects and tells... I'll kill them.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	2. Impossibility

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"I'm not the one who broke you,   
I'm not the one you should fear   
We got to move you darling   
I thought I lost you somewhere   
But you were never really ever there at all..."   
  
  
~"Here Is Gone" by Goo Goo Dolls~   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Well... this is it, I guess.   
  
The last day of my Hogwarts career. It's been... well, interesting, I suppose.   
  
It's going to be odd... leaving this place after all these years. I've made friends here. The team... we're all best mates.   
  
Flint left a few years back. He's older than the rest of us, but his... 'influence' remains. We still play Quidditch to win, and the rest of us still do things together. Usually. I tend to not join them when they're off snogging their girlfriends.   
  
We're mates, after all. Except my mates are rather occupied at the moment. Not that I can blame them one bit.   
  
Alexander Montague, fellow Chaser and friend. He's as quiet and gentlemanly as I am... not. We're both leaving this year, though to very different fates. He and his girlfriend Morrigun Lennox are going to marry right out of school, and probably raise a brood of cultured, linguistically and artistically gifted sproglets.   
  
I wish them well.   
  
Not that they really need it... they're so close and what those girls call 'adorable and fluffy' that it's almost a dishonor amongst the house. Except for the fact that we're all very happy for them.   
  
Kevin Bole and Vittorio Derrick. Our Beaters. Both of them are quite... quite happy with their lives right now, with their adoring girlfriends. As they, too, should be.   
  
Draco Malfoy, our Seeker, the token Prince of Slytherin House, with his indecent amount of wealth, his snooty attitude, and those two goons of his that obey his every command. He has his Princess. Ravyn De Borgia... smart, stunning, conniving, feminine, shrewd, and wealthy. His perfect match.   
  
They will probably spend their lives having one opulent soiree after another, in between traveling around the world, first-class. And I'm sure that they will enjoy every minute of it.   
  
Adrian Pucey and Malice Haughton. They're both going to leave this year as well... and knowing them, they will probably leave, surgically attached at the tongues.   
  
SHE won't be leaving this year.   
  
She's the leader of that troop of girls that drive my friends and the rest of the blokes in the school mad. Although in her case... she drives them nutters in more ways than one.   
  
Oh, she's lovely to look at... all slim, toned limbs and a cloak of dark satin hair. I've seen how the other sodding wankers look at her, as if they'd been starved for a week and she's a Christmas feast. Damn them.   
  
Not that they act upon these notions, mind... her beauty is more than matched by her belligerence. They know to keep out of "smiting range", as it's popularly called.   
  
I hear what they say... they would dearly love to see her incapacitated, unable to do a thing or move a limb. And then... their speculations and lewd desires make me want to kill them. I hex them on principle when any such things happen around me, of course. She's a member of my house, and damn the bloody bastard who sullies the name of any fellow Slytherin in another's hearing.   
  
She is an ice queen to them. Covered with an impervious armor. No one can break through, and she will never be hurt. And similarly, no one can be let in. To drive away whatever demons make her push everyone away. She won't let anyone touch her. Heal, hurt, anything.   
  
It's a double-edged sword.   
  
I know what she is. I know what she is capable of. Underneath the ice, she's like fire. She's beautiful and seductive, but her fierce fearlessness can burn and destroy. And though I know what fire can do, I'm drawn to it. I know that it's there. She has a heart somewhere underneath that cynical, harsh, cold attitude. It exists. And I want it.   
  
But it's not mine for the taking. It's nobody's.   
  
She's as bright as the jewels sparkling on the hilt of her numerous daggers, and fiery as the fires over which she brews her magic.   
  
But all of that is buried under hostility. Protective hostility.   
  
Won't she just open up to the world and let people know that she, too, has a heart?   
  
Or if she won't... can't she just do that for me?   
  
Oh, I'm better off than some, I suppose. At least, she's never put me in the hospital yet. But then... that's because I stay safe around her. We talk, we laugh, we snipe at each other in good or ill humor. It's a harmless exchange back and forth. Wit is gratuitous. It's sharp... but it won't ever wound.   
  
It's safe.   
  
We're used to this. This is how we'd always been. Status quo, and it's all we can have.   
  
I should be satisfied with it. It's more than any other bloke's share in the school. As it is, it could be something to brag about. Twisted, perhaps... but there you have it. I am Cassius Warrington. Fear me, for I'm the only fellow in this ruddy school who can get away with making smart-arsed comments around Fallon Anderson without getting a broken jaw, or worse, in the process.   
  
But dammit, I'm NOT satisfied with that! There can be so much more... if that woman would only let someone close to her once in a while!   
  
I really pick the difficult ones.   
  
She's not easy to love. But for me... I can't help loving her any more than I can help the fact that she wouldn't allow me to love her. We're both stubborn.   
  
She will never know, though.   
  
Perhaps had things been different, I would have told her someday... and perhaps, just perhaps... she would look at me in surprise, and then those catlike dark eyes that smoulder with fire behind the glacially calm expression that she always wears would soften, and then I would be able to claim her as mine.   
  
But the world is chaos. And... due to circumstances, I will not be seeing her again.   
  
And so, as I leave this castle for the underground world that shelters... I have but one thought in my head.   
  
Fallon... wherever you will go with your life, whatever happens... your heart might not be for anyone to take. But you will always have mine.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	3. Understanding

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Seems like yesterday but years have passed us by   
Precious memories are clear before my eyes   
I can hear your voice calling out my name   
But I don't know you now, nothing stays the same   
  
  
All along I have wanted you   
I pray tonight that you want me, too   
All along there was no one else   
I've been waiting here all by myself   
  
  
~"All Along" by Blessid Union of Souls~   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
She was a vision of ethereal snowy satin and misty chiffon, her eyes bright and limpid like a little girl's behind the delicate lace veil, even after all this time. But then, it was only to be expected. She was a bride. At long last, she was marrying the love of her life.   
  
All brides were beautiful, and she was no exception. She had always been lovely, but never had she looked quite so radiant. But then... she had her whole life ahead of her, just about to start.   
  
It was Kate Le Fay's wedding day.   
  
Fallon carefully fastened up the final hook on Kate's wedding robes and smiled at her friend's reflection. The mirror sang out its approval, and Kate giggled slightly.   
  
"Can you believe it? Finally... after all these years, Kevin and I are finally marrying. The war did take its toll... "   
  
"I believe it," Fallon replied with a small smile, "You two WERE always meant to be together. And although the war might have delayed it, it was inevitable. This was meant to be." Meant to be... unlike...   
  
"It's odd, you know," Kate carefully turned to face her friend, picking up the delicate but lavish bouquet of white Blanchefleur roses that lay close by. "You're the only one of us who had never thought of marrying."   
  
Fallon's mind flashed for a moment to... the guest list... and then, to a face from the past, with a cocky, roguish smile and dark eyes, brown hair falling carelessly over his forehead. But only for an instant. She turned to Kate with a small, bittersweet smile, and shrugged, "Oh... I suppose that I'm just not cut out for that sort of thing."   
  
"Oh... don't say that, Fallon! You're still young, only twenty-four, which is not old by any means."   
  
"Physically, perhaps. I'm really twenty-four going on fifty," Fallon half-joked, "But we must get going... Kevin must be having kittens out there by now, waiting to see you." She gave her friend a genuine smile. After years... it was easier. "I made sure to give Montague a vial of strengthening potion in case Kevin decides to feel weak in the knees," she said lightly, "And I daresay that it will be used."   
  
Kate laughed, the laugh of fulfillment and anticipation, and leaned over to give her friend a quick hug, "Always the one in control of everything, aren't you?"   
  
"Just about," Fallon said softly. In control of... almost everything. Except love. And pain. And loneliness. But she would not think of these things. "Now, let's go."   
  
Kate was the last of the happy couples of her school days to marry. Kevin Bole, his family lost during the war, had been hospitalized for a long time, slowly recovering from the ravages of hordes of Death Eaters. But Kate had been there for him all the time, and finally, the two would be united as man and wife.   
  
Fallon had been asked to be Kate's bridesmaid, as "the only one of my old friends who still hasn't married". And... when she had seen the guest list...   
  
"Cassius Warrington is going to be at the wedding?!"   
  
"Why, yes," Kate had said matter-of-factly, "He'd been in hiding since he left Hogwarts, you know. He had refused to become a Death Eater... and they wanted him. But he's finally back... Kevin has heard from him, although I've yet to see him. It would be wonderful for him to be there, though! Imagine... all the old Quidditch team, back in one place!"   
  
"Yes... wonderful," Fallon had said quietly. HIM... he would be back.   
  
She would not cry when she saw him, knowing that it was never meant to be.   
  
She would not.   
  
Perhaps she should have taken some strengthening potion herself.   
  
The music began, and after a dainty little Montague girl who scattered rose petals down the aisle, a blushing but beaming Kate Le Fay walked out on the arm of her father. Kevin Bole, standing at the end of the aisle, gulped, and just as Fallon had predicted, hastily brought a small vial to his lips for a brief moment as his bride walked towards him.   
  
And walking a few paces behind Kate, clad in a simple but elegant dress robe of royal blue, came Fallon Anderson, her head slightly bowed, holding a single cream-colored rose in her hands. Her face was pensive as she followed Kate down the aisle, and then, when she had reached the end, she looked up... and her eyes, blank for so long, flared to life like flame in winter.   
  
And two pairs of brown eyes met, held and locked, both reflecting a million fleeting but matching emotions. Surprise, sorrow, then incredulous joy. And warmth. Fire. And passion. Love. Pain. And understanding.   
  
And finally, they knew. Even though they did not say it. And it was real.   
  
Both of them barely heard a word of the ceremony.   
  
Cassius Warrington stood among the guests to watch friends that he had not seen for so long join in marriage. But his eyes were not on Kate and Kevin. Rather... when SHE had seen him, and he had seen her. And her eyes had widened for a moment, before... at long last, after so many years, they had flared. The calm was shattered, and he found himself looking at what he had been seeking for so, so long.   
  
They had shared a brief smile, and a glance. No words had been exchanged, unlike in the past when everything had been about light-hearted verbal repartee. But they had changed. And yet, what was important was still there. And both of them knew it.   
  
Kate was duly pronounced as Kevin Bole's wife, and the rest of it was a blur.   
  
Fallon sipped her glass of iced pumpkin juice, leaning slightly against a white marble column. It was a warm spring night, and outside in this charmed pavilion, couples were dancing. But Fallon was not dancing, because her heart was already racing. If she moved and spun, she would fall, and perhaps wake up from this dream.   
  
Someone cleared his throat softly behind her, and she turned around. And her eyes widened again for a moment before she felt the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.   
  
"Hello," she said softly. He grinned, and she saw that, after all this time, he was still the same. Even though his features were slightly sharper than she had remembered, and the skin of his cheeks looked rougher, slightly browned by the sun. But his eyes were still bright and alert. Older, perhaps, with a touch of sorrow. But also... with something that she had always wanted but never thought that she would see.   
  
"What's a pretty lady like yourself doing here all alone?"   
  
"Who're you trying to flatter?" she laughed slightly. He smirked.   
  
"You, of course. I don't seem to be talking to any other pretty ladies at the moment now, am I?"   
  
She rolled her eyes. Then, quietly, "It's been a long time."   
  
"Yes."   
  
"It's been years since I last saw you."   
  
"I know."   
  
"We were still kids then."   
  
"But we're all grown up now," he remarked, "At least... I think we are. Can't say anything for maturity levels... but that's not important."   
  
She laughed, and so did he, before he extended a hand to her.   
  
"Dance with me, Fallon."   
  
And she smiled up into his eyes before placing her hand in his, "All right."   
  
His fingers closed around hers, a slightly callused fingertip caressing the place where she worn no ring, as he led her to the dance floor and pulled her gently into his arms. She found herself once again eye to eye with him, and as she placed her other hand softly on his shoulder, both of them knew that things were going to be all right.   
  
She loved weddings.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
*~Fin~* 


End file.
